The
Wall Street Journal had an
article on phrases that we say to be polite.
Language experts have textbook names for
these phrases—"performatives," or "qualifiers." Essentially, taken
alone, they express a simple thought, such as "I am writing to say…" At
first, they seem harmless, formal, maybe even polite. But coming before
another statement, they often signal that bad news, or even some
dishonesty on the part of the speaker, will follow.
"Politeness
is another word for deception," says James W. Pennebaker, chair of the
psychology department of the University of Texas at Austin, who studies
these phrases. "The point is to formalize social relations so you don't
have to reveal your true self."
In other
words, "if you're going to lie, it's a good way to do it—because you're
not really lying. So it softens the blow," Dr. Pennebaker says.
So politeness, being nice, is a form of deception, a way of being dishonest.
"To be perfectly honest…" is another phrase
to strike from your speech, she [Ellen Jovin] says. It often prefaces negative
comments, and can seem condescending. It signals a larger issue: If you
are taking the trouble to announce your honesty now, maybe you aren't
always truthful.
"You are more likely to seem like someone who is perfectly honest when you are no longer commenting on it," Ms. Jovin says.
It is a little like statements of loyalty. People who are actually loyal to something or someone have no need to comment on how they are being loyal because everyone knows from their words and deeds that they are.
